the social media platforms, the what’s app groups and the general dynamics of socializing did not wait even a day to use the pandemic as a stage to announce how they were/are coping and the achievements they made. I made none. I struggled with so much that i have lost language to express the trauma I have been through.

and that has brought me to crossroads of choosing trauma over self. over dependency on relationships that are part fantasy part reality over hardcore reality that hits in the face every morning, all day and all night. I have not had the strength , both physical and mental to sit and concentrate on anything.

tenacity is not a blessing.. it’s what I do when I have no choice. seldom have I had the choice.

the social media is now becoming one of the reasons I feel low and high at the same time. I feel seen and unseen. I feel lost and found.

it is the place I found quasicinis under my own rubble.

it’s not incorrect to say that i lost myself there too.

so, where do I go from here. I think I return to myself. to see myself. to find myself.

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