The lake (sinequanon)
You (9/7/16, 12:38am):
ou (9/6/16, 4:03pm):
It’s cool by the lake… I find it calming to sit here.been siting a while ..I was reading all we have written here. It’s covering the blades of the grass and the bark of the trees. Everything you whispered to me is here..holding onto bits of the surroundings. Striving to live
You (9/6/16, 8:20pm):
Writing without hesitation is a gift I took from you when we met here…..so here are some thoughts…please forgive me for penning too much…and return me my reply too…I shall be waiting Mine………How does one articulate experiences that have no residue of words. Lives that slip in and out of the domain of reality. How does one describe life in the face of adversity so strong, so powerful, so overpowering that there are times that one is lifted off ones own feet.
If we do not talk for a while it becomes necessary to observe what has happened to us.. Or at least to me, in a strange objective manner. It seems unreal, almost, that we have been in this continual fall, it feels like a fall into a darker abyss where there is no one but us. But the truth is not us. The truth is the lives we are living around us. The lives we have been attached to. I cannot , my dearest, see anything in it but a continual fall and an end. I know it will. When is a question neither of us can answer…look at us..how can we not end. We have nothing but pain to fall back to. Farz bhi kar lain keh we are in touch for weeks,months, years..can we continue to exhaust ourselves physically in this tunnel? It’s a question I often ask myself while doing my duties, my laborious life which itself borders on an abyss. There is nothing here that will be finished ever, let alone soon. My dearest, Mine whom I have known maybe several lives and more and will always know as Mine… And your own life of which I know fragments too, will go on as it is, but I pray that it gets better. That you can find in your home, peace and love and kindness. For these are the saviors of ones life. You will reach many heights in your career I know with certainty and the part that lacks will ease itself into a comfortable niche, it may even, as I pray, bring comfort to you. I am not certain it will, but I have a feeling it will. It has happened to many like us..me for one..lolll….my wings clipped I fly no more and I walk the wretched earth only as slave to my Master. Why am I writing all this you are wondering. I can see you shaking your head and smiling…and saying my name as if for the first time…I am etching it into my tree and writing it in my lakes dense water so we know that we knew. I am not stating anything you do not already know. The euphoria is taking us hither and thither and throwing us against Time and its inhabitants. They also know, perhaps, that we will simmer and settle. And we will succumb. Not win. If winning or losing even matters in our state. I am merely here and penning what sometimes rises in the out of my stomach and wells in my eyes and I feel anger at myself for allowing myself to fall so deep…I have no right to..I had no right to. What was I thinking? That I am young and can fly or free myself from all that is attached..nay..all that is nailed into me? Acting like a free person while I am not. Letting us be drawn into the tunnel while we can’t. Allowance is according to ones measure. We have exceeded it from the start. Agree please.
Insaan apni majbooriyon se hi pehchana jaata hai aur yeh haqeeqat mujh pe ayaan thee aur hai.
I have spent more than two decades in a life where I am not able to do anything with my lot other than brace it and fold it and crawl under its burden so I may lift it again and again and again. The myth of Sisyphus is I .
I am here and I am in your heart. That is ordained and surfaced now. What you do is something I had never dreamed of.. You had a heart that was aching to speak itself to its own image. Words and words and words that unleashed their power and their subdued but sensual power and I replied perhaps in the positive…. for we are finally here at this lake … or in a manner you were not expecting..