*then the knocking was not I; it was You
*the door has no entrances and You stand at the other side of the door.
*if it has no entrance , then how is it a door that leads to You?
*is it I who knocks or You?
*I fear it will not open for me- and yet- You are there.. Knocking .. I am here ; knocking
*charred and brilliant; i am ablaze
*let me in before I ruin myself.
*there are no voices but I hear You saying my name.. whisper
*no one is here . I place my forehead at Your feet
*there are no answers.
I hear You reply.
there are no words
but You say my name
*when I close my eyes You knock at the door.
should I keep my eyes open to trick You.
I want to be sure You are here
*darkness throws me into Your realm.
*there are no footprints
I can taste Your presence
on the air I breathe
*I await for you to open the door from Your side; knowing I need to give way to You to enter.
unsure I keep knocking
*I prattle with the day; longing for darkness to spread its blanket; it’s You I wait for
*this moment is what I dreamed of when I did not know You to be not a dream – merely
*will You leave when dawn breaks or hide in the light so I can’t see.
*can You open it even though its already open
*cyclic in nature; my words keep resounding Your knocking.
it’s pain I feel
*the presence of Your presence throws fear into the air.. it sticks to every breadth I take
I can’t move
*the knocking is deafening
who is this then?
*drenched in fear
I am not sure
this is Love
*this is our game tonight .
*and You smile at my wretched body not understanding any of the Knocks.
*these are the hours
*I can’t move.
fearing You will leave if I did
*each night You wake me softly
only to hide behind the door
*ill break it down.
would You help me
*ill open it only if You don’t leave as soon as I do.
at my naive demands
*like a child I want to make You happy..
*I wait for the darkness to see You; and you want me to feel You in the daylight.
I will sleep with the pounding on the door.
*the reply is the same as the question. the question is the reply.
*will You come again each night?
I can’t hear Your reply across this pounding door.
*’I never leave’ You reply
*the pounding has a rhythm. if I stop
*I ruined the rhythm tonight.
I need to learn to be silent in Your presence
*the Time when You knock
and I pound
*These are the hours
*say yes.. take my Life. it is Yours. But You already know this… why the pounding then?
*fragments lie scattered across my room…
I need to collect them
they are I
*and I lie here in my own ruin.. Triumphant