“I am different, not less ” — Temple Grandin

From the time that you were a child, I have wanted to give you the best in me. Bathed you and dressed you and though we have hugged only four times in these seventeen years, I have hugged you more often than the count.

I have held you close on nights when you have left your bed and just stood by my bed.

You

Waiting for me to wake up because something form deep inside you paralyzed you so much that you could not speak.

On those nights I have taken you back to your room, wanting to hug you and hold you close so I could comfort you.

You

Have wanted not to be held.

perhaps

or surely

you must be comfortable in the feeling that I have been there.

Oh, how I have wanted to hold you and rock you back to sleep.

To have buried my head into your hair and smelt the freshness of the last bath I gave you.

How badly I have wanted this.

But, this is not about me.

It is about you.

let the sun set softly on all your days

language came to you so soon that we oohed and aahed over you.

I bought bath books.

Big books and small books.

Books all over the floor.

Then, one day, language got jumbled up in your heart.

All
knotted up

in your mind

hanging by a leash

you towed it along

you retreated
I followed

you shut the door behind you

and I waited

I waited

as I wait now.

Words are there in your mind

I know that.

How?

Your eyes tell me so.

Today was a fun day 🙂 we were having lunch and I watched as you swallowed without chewing. Gulped without swallowing.
you tempt me
I succumb
Hey,Ash, you need to take smaller bites,baby.
you paused
looked at the meal
and
said
softly
but
meaningfully
“mama, you really p*** me off.”

My jaw dropped.

The girls shuffled.

I looked at you and you
like always

did
not

look at me.

I gave you time out. Ten minutes for the use of ‘inappropriate language’

lolllllllllllllll major

You know it

and I do too

you are so very right.

As always.

As always..

love you like crazy.

P.S I slid into your room right now and gave you a kiss on your forehead.
But you did not know

so,

its ok.
🙂

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